Miss Delish

I never thought that at nearly 24, I would be single.

I know this sounds stupid, but I didn’t.  As a young girl and into my teenage years, I pictured myself as the girl who would run off to college, meet the love of her life, and be married by the time she was 21. That picture couldn’t have been more of a lie.

I didn’t run off to college.  I didn’t meet the love of my life (although I know some people who can attest to the fact that I thought I had… a few times).  And lord knows I couldn’t be further from marriage.

But my story isn’t all that uncommon these days.  It seems that many of my fellow twenty- and thirty- somethings are embracing this decade as a one of singleness, growth, and fun.  One of exploring life with the mindset that love might come along, but we aren’t going to sit around waiting for it or forcing it.

I opened up a dialog with a bunch of people regarding their experiences with dating and relationships, and it has been amazing.  So many stories, so many points of view.  The story of one of my best friends who’s fairytale romance has quietly been anything but a fairytale.  The story of a friend who has never gone on a date.  The story of a friend who met the love of his life simply by being in the right bar at the right time.

In some ways, it has left me hopeful.  Hopeful that one day I may find the right person and have the fairytale love story.  Hopeful that it won’t always be tough being the single girl navigating the dating world.  But in some ways, it has left me feeling destined for failure.  Because really, if 15 people have 15 completely different viewpoints on all these different issues, will I ever find somebody who feels the way I do?  Or will I have to compromise?

Over the next few weeks, I am going to delve into the nooks and crannies of dating.  I am going to explore everything from first dates to intimacy to marriage.  I am going to explore monogamy and religion and whether they have a place in dating or not.

It will be fun.  But it will also be honest.  You’ve been warned.

***I am a horrible person and never followed up on this.  I suppose I should now.  -B , 9/13/2011

I found this lovely post on A Work In Progress who found it on  A Greek Tragedy who found it on Nova’s blog who found it here. I thought it was rather perfect! and it made me smile.

~~~~~

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by God, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads, knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because a girl who understands that all things will come to an end and that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Expect in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2am clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for awhile, they are always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon, during a rock concert, very casually next time she’s sick or over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wondering why your heart hasn’t burst and bleed out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even strangers tastes. She will introduce your children to The Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colourful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it – date a girl who reads!