“I suppose we were all searching for someone to teach us the moves we needed to win at life, the knightly code of conduct, the ways of the alpha-male. That’s why we found each other. But a sequence of maneuvers and a system of behavior would never fix what was broken inside. Nothing would fix what was broken inside. All we could do was embrace the damage.”
-Neil Strauss, The Game
At 22, I have gone on more first dates than I would like to admit. And even less dazzling than that is the number of those that have translated into second dates (think # of first dates divided by 2 minus fifteen percent-ish). I have know all the right words and moves needed to get asked on a date. When it came to the date, though, I would freeze. No longer would I show off my shiny confidence. I would freeze. I would get nervous. I would always become less fake and more me, and I’d get scared. I’d get scared that some of my cracks would show… that they would see how broken I was. Either that or I would try and be overly confident… keep up the facade, the game. And sometimes it would work. But not for long.
Because you can’t fix something that is broken. You can bandage it up, box it up, dress it up however you like. But it will always be scarred, flawed. It will always be broken.
I have learned as Neil says, to embrace the damage. I have learned from it. I have accepted it. This is me. This is who I am. Like me or leave me. Either way, I will still be okay. I do not need fancy words and fake acts to be liked. I do not to lessen my standards or let go of my beliefs or dreams to be liked. I just need to be me. I just need to be the flawed girl who is making the most out of what she has. That is what is important.
These days, I go on few first dates. But when I do go on one, it either turns into a second date or a friendship. I am no longer plagued with men who, in the beginning, perceived me to have no standards and thought they would score right away. I am no longer left wondering why he didn’t call. I am no longer trying to make excuses to my roommates about why a guy I went on a date with isn’t stopping by again.
I have learned to embrace the damage, and in doing so, I have found myself. And I like myself. And hopefully someday, somewhere down the line, I will find a man who has realized that he, too is damaged. And with luck, he, too, will have learned to embrace the broken pieces. And when that day comes, I have faith, we will learn to grow together.
